The El Chupacabra (The Goat Sucker) or Capra Lamia, is a medium sized cryptoid in the American South West and Central America.
Many people know of the violent nature of the beast but few know about the strangely beautiful mating habits of the mis-understood lover. When not feasting on the blood of their livestock prey, The Goat Sucker is on constant prowl for El Chupacabra pootie-tang.
To attract a mate, the male chupacabra makes itself as large and possible and creates low grunting noises similar to what R&B singers from the 1970s did before and after real lyrics. After about an hour of grunting and swaying back and forth with great style and flair, a female is attracted to the location of the male's display.
The female shows interest in the male by extending her rear and creating a sound in similar tone and rhythm to 2 Live Crew's "Me So Horny." Once the male sees and hears the female's reply, he rushes her, lifting and carrying her to the nearest bush to have hot, and slightly seclude reproduction acts.
After finishing the act, the male chupacabra runs as fast as he can to escape the troubles of child raising. The female must be quick and knock the male out in order to trap him into protecting the brood. The female creates a strong rope from fibers of chewed on wood and ties the male to a tree outside the cave the female calls home.
Once trapped, the male will protect the cave hoping to show his baby's momma he can be trusted enough to be untied. Evolution has instilled in the female the knowledge the male cannot be trusted.
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