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Saturday, March 2, 2013

Get Your Guns!: There Are Things Up In Those Hills

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Get Your Guns!: There Are Things Up In Those Hills

There are some crazy creatures crawling on the cabins in the woods of America. Scents and noises only animals can hear and smell are going to do nothing to protect you, the only thing going to save you is the invention protecting America for centuries: Guns! (With proper safety training. After all it would suck to shoot your wife instead of the werewolf trying to devour your wife)

What is a good gun for hunting the paranormal? That depends on what you are hunting. Let's look at the top three monsters an American is likely to encounter randomly:

1. Zombie

This is an easy target that does not require much fire power. Just grab any gun of almost any caliber, aim for the head, and get the job done.
With zombies, the bigger the gun and bullet, the bigger the show! Want the head to explode, but have a certain style about you at the same time? Use the gun from Dirty Harry. The sky is the limit for your dreams and killing zombies. Have some fun with these monsters.

2.Vampire

This one is just a bit trickier. It is the bullet that makes the difference with this beast. You need wood, and you need to put your wood in the barrel of the gun.
Now this is against every gun owner's manual but to stop a vampire with ease you first need to jam a wooden stake into the barrel of a gun.

Just use a hammer and drive that piece of wood into your gun. You will get splinters! Now you may ask how is it going to fire? The bullet, duh! When the Bullet fires it will push the wooden stake out at super-sonic speeds into the blood sucker in front of you. Bingo Bango, dead blood sucker-o.

3. Werewolf

Get the biggest gun you can, in our studio it is a blunderbuss, and stuff that gun with everything you can find. The whole "You need silver to kill a werewolf" gypsy nonsense, is hogwash. Werewolf die just like you or me, only they are built like human-wolf tanks with claws so you need some extra power and carnage to get the job done.

Anything less then a blunderbuss and you are just making the creature mad. A shotgun with high velocity slugs will also do the trick, but nothing less or your are asking to be the meal for an angry father and his werewolf family.

Good hunting out there.

Fantastically Weird Vacation Spots

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Oak Island
Oak Island, a small island right off the shore of Nova Scotia, Canada. Named for the trees which inhabit the island, it is well known in circles of the mysterious and occult as the home to the infamous Money Pit. The pit was found in 1795 after lights where seen coming from the island. A large depression was found where the lights were thought to originated from, and excavation of the area began soon afterward.


Excavations of the site reveal an area of ground with a layer of flagstone a few feet below the surface, followed by soil and rock separated by layers of logs every 10-feet. The bottom of the pit has yet to be excavated, however, strange objects have already been found: coconut fiber mats; a bizarre stone stone excavators have drilled though but have yet to removed the artifact; and a large stone bearing an inscription of symbols, translated as saying "forty feet below, two million pounds lie buried." Cameras sent down have captured pictures of weird tools.

Theories of what could be down there: pirate treasure; holy relics brought from the fleeing Templars in 1307, such as the Holy grail or the Ark of the Covenant; or nothing at all. regardless of what could be down there. In 2011, The new Oak Island Treasure Act came into effect allowing for treasure hunting to continue on the island under the terms of a licence issued by the Minister of Natural Resources.

Friday, March 1, 2013

The Banshee

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The banshee is a fairy woman often appearing at the death of important persons. Stories dictate, the appearance of the banshee foretold death. Banshees are said to appear for certain Irish families, the families whom made it onto the list changed depending on where the story was told. Banshees are usually seen by a person who is about to die in a violent way such as murder. Stories of banshees carried over to the West Highlands of Scotland.

The banshee appears in a multitude of guises; often appearing as an ugly, frightening hag. She can also appear as a stunningly beautiful woman of any age that suits her. In some tales, the banshee is, or is related to, the Irish battle goddess, the MorrĂ­gan.

The mourning call of the creature is heard at night when someone is about to die and normally in the nearby woods. King James I of Scotland, 1437, was approached by an Irish seer who was later identified as a banshee who foretold his murder at the instigation of the Earl of Atholl. There are records of several prophets thought to be banshees infiltrating the great families of Ireland and the courts of Irish kings.

The wail can be so piercing that it shatters glass; other stories claim her voice is a "low, pleasant singing"; some say "the sound of two boards being struck together"; and on Rathlin Island as "a thin, screeching sound somewhere between the wail of a woman and the moan of an owl".

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

Breeding Habits of El Chupacabra

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The El Chupacabra (The Goat Sucker) or Capra Lamia, is a medium sized cryptoid in the American South West and Central America.



Many people know of the violent nature of the beast but few know about the strangely beautiful mating habits of the mis-understood lover. When not feasting on the blood of their livestock prey, The Goat Sucker is on constant prowl for El Chupacabra pootie-tang.

To attract a mate, the male chupacabra makes itself as large and possible and creates low grunting noises similar to what R&B singers from the 1970s did before and after real lyrics. After about an hour of grunting and swaying back and forth with great style and flair, a female is attracted to the location of the male's display.

The female shows interest in the male by extending her rear and creating a sound in similar tone and rhythm to 2 Live Crew's "Me So Horny." Once the male sees and hears the female's reply, he rushes her, lifting and carrying her to the nearest bush to have hot, and slightly seclude reproduction acts.

After finishing the act, the male chupacabra runs as fast as he can to escape the troubles of child raising. The female must be quick and knock the male out in order to trap him into protecting the brood. The female creates a strong rope from fibers of chewed on wood and ties the male to a tree outside the cave the female calls home.

Once trapped, the male will protect the cave hoping to show his baby's momma he can be trusted enough to be untied. Evolution has instilled in the female the knowledge the male cannot be trusted.

Top 5 Lizard people of the Week, 2/27/13

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#5 Bill O'Reilly
Bill O'Reilly, political.... journalist... no, that's not it....pundit... closer.... lizard person attempting to sway people into the reptilian agenda... Yes! It explains why no one is as perfect in his eyes as him; no human could equal a lizard man to Bill O'Reilly

#4 Joseph Gordon Levitt
Another fantastic actor. No matter what he is in, Joseph Gordon Levitt is often the best part of the movie. The reason? He is a lizard person who acts like a human so well that film makers cast him above real humans. This goes to show you, follow your dreams, even a lizard person can be a great human actor.

#3 Chelsea Handler
Her skin is to tight for her lizard bone structure.  This is her trying to be comfortable at the MTV music video awards. Ms. Handler is the one lizard person we feel bad for. She has to be in so much pain smashed into that way to small human suit.


#2 Mickey Rooney

Mickey Rooney. Your grandparents remember him from The Private Lives of Adam and Eve, The Twilight Zone, A family Affair, and the Human-Reptilian Wars during the mid-1930s.

#1 Pauly Shore
After almost taking over the world in the 90s, the lizard people's greatest warrior of culture is making a comeback and raising his profile to a new stardom. Why? Why not just lay low with all the money he made in his first golden age? Because a lizard man has to eat, and human flesh is expensive. Way more expensive then organic foods.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

The Weird Paradise 2/26/13

Video streaming by Ustream

Crop Circles and other GeoglyphsRoger and Steffen talk about crop circles and bizarre geoglyphs around the world. First the Top 5 lizard people of the week.  Common-man Steve Vanderploeg joins the show to inform us of the average person's opinion on the subject. Colin Andrews, the UK Crop Circle outbreak, The Nasca Lines, The Australian LinesThe Face on Mars. All these and theories about what caused them; human, alien, or something weirder.

New Weird Paradise Recorded Live on TradioV.com

Tonight! At 6:00pm! The Weird paradise on TradioV. This week Crop Circles and other Geoglyphs: What are they, where are they, who or what made them. Tune in tonight!



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Monday, February 25, 2013

Aliens: what are they?

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Nordic Aliens



Nordic aliens have been described as benevolent or even "magical" beings who want to observe and communicate with humans. Contactees have said that the Nordics are concerned about the earth's environment or prospects for world peace, and may transmit messages telepathically. American social worker John Carpenter said that the typical Nordic, as described by those he interviewed, "is paternal, watchful, smiling, affectionate, youthful, all-knowing.“ Stephanie Kelley-Romano says that the Nordics "are often associated with spiritual growth and love and act as protectors for the experiencers." A few claimants say that the Nordics have warned them about the grey aliens, but other claimants say that they have seen Nordics inside the same craft as greys. In such reports, the Nordics are often interpreted as leaders, with the greys as their subordinates. Jenny Randles writes that although she believes Nordics have "certainly" been involved in abductions she feels the abduction is "less essential to the encounter than it is with the greys."

The Reptilians




Reptilians (also called reptoids,  reptiloids, or draconians) are purported reptilian humanoids that play a prominent role in science fiction, as well as modern ufology and conspiracy theories. The idea of reptilians on Earth was popularized by David Icke, a conspiracy theorist who says shape-shifting reptilian people control our world by taking on human form and gaining political power to manipulate our societies. Icke has claimed on multiple occasions that many of the world leaders are, or are possessed by, reptilians attempting to gain power to rule the world.

In February 2011, on the Opie & Anthony radio show, the comedian Louis C.K. asked former U.S. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld a number of times if he and Dick Cheney were lizard people who enjoyed the taste of human flesh. Rumsfeld did not answer the question. Louis C.K. comically interpreted Rumsfeld's refusal to answer as an admission and further suggested that those who are lizard people cannot lie about it; when asked if they are lizards, they either have to avoid answering the question or say yes. 

The Greys


The science fiction writer H. G. Wells, in the article "Man of the Year Million" in 1893, describes humanity transformed into a race of grey-skinned beings, stunted and with big heads. In his 1901 book The First Men in the Moon, Selenites, or natives of the Moon, are described as having grey skin, big heads, large black eyes and wasp stings. He also briefly describes aliens resembling Greys brought down to Earth as food by the antagonists of his more popular novel The War of the Worlds.

In 1965, newspaper reports of the Betty and Barney Hill abduction brought Greys to international attention. The alleged abductees, Betty and Barney Hill, claimed to have been abducted by alien beings and taken to a saucer-shaped spaceship in 1961. The term "Greys" did not come into usage until many years later, but the alleged beings described by Betty and Barney Hill generally fit many of the common traits of the so-called Greys. From a star chart reported by Betty Hill, Marjorie Fish, an elementary school teacher and amateur astronomer, concluded that the home planet of these beings was located in the Zeta Reticuli star system (allegedly the fourth planet of one of the stars of the Zeta Reticuli binary system). The Greys are therefore sometimes known as Zeta Reticulans.

*Update
A.L.F.



ALF followed an amateur radio signal to Earth and crash-landed into the garage of American family, The Tanners; a suburban middle-class family in the San Fernando Valley area.

The Tanners took ALF into their home and hid him from the Alien Task Force (a part of the U.S. military) and their nosy neighbors Trevor and Raquel Ochmonek.  ALF's home planet Melmac exploded because of a catastrophe involving nuclear war. The alien was a gardener on his planet.

ALF tried to convince the President of the United States to stop the nuclear program, as ALF fears that Earth might suffer a fate similar to Melmac's. ALF (a.k.a. Gordon Shumway) is homeless, but he is not the last survivor of his species.

Rumors say he is to star in the ALF movie by Sony Pictures Animation.